Lack, of, confidence.

This one post, is gonna be a long one. But it’s for everything that’s happened since my previous post. Actually not everything, but because some gay named Ernest that I failed to meet to pass him some stuffs for the past few days got pissed and says to me on the phone just now that I must fully explain to him why. And also, please remember to take a look at the good deals I have after the end of the post.
So here goes..

Stuffs that happened after my previous post:

Work at Orchard Hotel. WangTe spilt drinks onto a customer, placed his tray on the carpet, and then XiYi tripped over his tray and spilt all her drinks on the carpet. I laughed and got scolded. LOL. After work, was a mini celebration of MuJia’s birthday. We couldn’t decide where to go, what to do, and somehow ended up at Changi Airport, and even spent the night there. We alighted CityBus 36 at T1, took the sky train to T2, went hunting for a suitable cafe/restaurant to sit and eat at, and we did so at Polar. I bought her a slice of black forest which was decided by drawing of lots. And I bought myself.. err, a hotdog roll and a curry puff. After that we basically walked and sat around till 6AM when the city buses start operating, went to Tampines where she lives and then cabbed home.

I reached home at about, 7AM, bathed and all, then slept till 11AM. Headed down to work at Celio, which ended at 7PM. Then biased Lydia got me to look her and MuJia up at Takashimaya’s art friend, waited for Hong Wee, and we went to Cine’s food court to give MuJia a surprise celebration. Haha, got Hong Wee to buy his food and go back to his sit, while me and Lydia went up and bought two slices of cheese cake and the very last candle they had.
There are actually friends out there who uses the amount of oil left in a lighter to limit their friendship! Okay anyway, after the singing of birthday song, eating of cake, talking of crap and all, MuJia went home to get some stuffs, while me, Lydia and Hong Wee rented DVDs(Shrek 3 and Hannibal Rising) at Thomson Plaza for the stayover at Lydia’s house later on. For the night, there was Me, Hong Wee, Lydia, MuJia, JunJie, and JasonKoh. Watched Xiong Di, brought by JunJie and Jason, then watched Shrek3. I fell asleep while watching Shrek3, the rest fell asleep after watching Shrek3, except for MuJia who went to sleep the moment it started.
All of us woke up at about 11AM today, I came home to bathe and change and went back there. Watched Hannibal Rising, played some card games, blah. Then we all left for our work and stuffs.
I don’t have the pictures, maybe at Lydia’s blog.

VERYGOODDEALS:

Intel Chipset MainBoard (945)
(MASSIVE) 1GB DDR2 533 Mhz\677 memory
Intel Extreme Graphics 2 int. AGI ( up 64Mb*)
80GB Harddisk Drive 7200rpm SATA2
DVD RW + (DUal layer)
7.1ch AC’97 Audio sound int.
10/100 Ethernet POrt
6* USB2.0 port (2xfront 4x Rear)
P4 ATX Tower Casing w/ Smart Power Supply
PS/2 Keyboard, optical mouse & speakers
19inch LCD monitor

Intel Dual Core E2140 1.6Ghz =$800
Intel Core 2 Duo E4400 2.0Ghz = $890
Intel Core 2 Duo E6420 2.13Ghz = $955
Intel Core 2 Duo E6550 2.33Ghz = $1062
Intel Core 2 Duo E6750 2.66GHz = $1105
OR
19Inch LCD + ALL IN 1 INERNAL CARD READER
Intel Dual Core E2140 1.6Ghz =$864
Intel Core 2 Duo E6320 1.86Ghz = $964
Intel Core 2 Duo E6400 2.13Ghz = $1094
Intel Core 2 Duo E6600 2.4Ghz = $1122

Some smart people are stupid, and vice versa.

The title of this entry is… out of anger, envy, jealousy, pity, hatred. I MIGHT elaborate on it in the later part of this post.

Basically on the 15th, was prom night, we went there, we ate, we had fun, we played pool. The dinner ended around 9:45PM, and we hanged around Yio Chu Kang till 11+ or so. Me, Charles, ShaoLoong, Dixon, Fabian, and Kevin headed down to The Concourse and played pool till 2 or 3AM, took some pictures.

We did not plan to go home, so we sat at MacDonalds and fell asleep till morning, around 7AM, headed home, bathed and changed, came back out to meet Dixon again for work. We worked from 11:50AM to 11PM, although we were paid for 30Mins more because we didn’t get to eat. Me, Dixon and Fabian had supper, then headed home.

I woke at 2PM, looked at my Celio’s working roster, and it says “Work, 12PM to 6PM,” but I looked at my phone and wondered why my manager didn’t call me… So I waited till 4, and he called me, he asked me to go down and work till the shop closes. Okay so I went down, worked, had supper with my brother, and now I’m here, 2:21AM.

 http://nihilizm.imeem.com/music/LLvQSahO/sens_wish/

I can’t upload songs on WordPress, don’t know why. Ain’t a good thing. Wonder where can I find really good journal hosts…

Anyway, that music is S.E.N.S’s Wish. I am into music, and that is one slow piece, it might sound boring, but I love it. Whenever I listen to it, I reflect a lot, and I mean, a lot. It’s a rather sad piece though.

Some smart people are stupid, and vice versa. What can I say… I just know of many people who are really very smart, but are also stupid. Like, when there is two free sofa to choose from, one is an antique, which can be sold for a million dollars, and the other is a new one, worth $100,000. A very stupid smart girl chooses the new one.

This is why I say, some smart people are stupid, and vice versa. I said vice versa because stupid people can be smart too, they just choose not to. I’m not feeling very happy now, neither am I feeling very upset… Okay actually I’m kinda upset, but I know I shouldn’t be. Ah F*** it, my emotions are screwed, I feel screwed. Since my feelings are screwed, it isn’t really something I should feel good about, so I’m unhappy.

40% discount

First day working at Celio today. It’s a really good job man. Very relaxed. Every hour, only about 2 customers, or groups of them, come in. Probably because of the “rich” location and killer costs of their products. All Celio staffs get a 40% discount on each purchase of their product.

I ended work at 4:30PM, I changed plans for the day many times today. Initially I wanted to meet QuinFei, then Jason called and asked to meet, then Shawn, then Lydia too. But I never met any of them. I ended up meeting up with ChunYu, hanged around FarEast waiting for Charles, in which we failed to patiently, and so we met KianWei to find the rest for dinner. I didn’t eat though. We chatted for quite some time before leaving. There was Ian, Desmond, Cheng Feng, JianYou, Me, KianWei, ChunYu, Charles, YongWei, and DeSheng. Beside Charles and ChunYu, who headed off to hunt for clothes after that, the rest headed home, and I went for supper with an asshole. Eheheh.

There’s no point voicing out to people who can’t help. Doing so will only irritate others. If you have the guts, voice out to people who have the power to change whatever you’re unhappy with. If you never like doing something, but if you don’t do that something, someone else who can control you would be unhappy. If you care about that person’s happiness, it means  you are willing to do that something, otherwise, voice it out to him or her.

Stomach stretches

Work today was pretty fun. I finally got to serve FOOD, instead of just cocktails. Initially me and Lydia was rather worried that we would be late for work, because when we reached Orchard, Kevin was still at home and Fabian was still stuck at Dhoby Ghaut in a traffic jam, but we made it in time though. There were two weddings today and the ball room was split into two , I got chosen to serve at the smaller one, how lucky. Later on Lydia was called over too, we were appointed the same tables, she was practically laughing at me the whole day for I-don’t-know-why. :I

Our side’s wedding dinner ended earlier, so me and Lydia took our pay and left for a very filling supper at The Prata House. Her bus came as soon as we crossed the road, she boarded it, and  I walked home. Tomorrow YingZong will be working, and on Wednesday I might not be working as I have to attend Celio’s training in the morning and afternoon.

It’s right infront of you.

Tomorrow I will get knocked by a bicycle tonight

Today, met up with Lydia at 2:45PM, supposingly for “very early dinner” but we ended up walking around AMK hub, at which Mark came later. Then we headed down to town to eat at Lido, went for work and Mark left. Work ended, Lydia’s dad drove me home(opposite home) like yesterday, but today, was with YingZong, we went for supper at the cafe JiaSheng’s working at.

I don’t expect anyone to understand this entry’s title.. I’ll explain. Tomorrow, I will call up somebody, tell her that I’ve been knocked by a bicycle “last night,” injured my leg, and the doctor gave me an MC for 3 days. Why am I so smart? Eheheh.

Okay, so for the next 3 days, I’m not working, I’m free. Maybe not so free, I have things on. Back to work on tuesday, this time I think with more friends from school, a good and a bad thing. I won’t elaborate.

Anyway, BYATELIER will be launched in a few months time. If you don’t know what’s BYATELIER, wait and see for yourself.

From Mario Vazquez’s One Shot:
Listen to this. Girl, if you’ll give me one shot, I will love you forever now.
No man will do you better now.
Love is a risk, girl, if you’ll give me one shot, I will show you you’re the only girl, in this world, who can, give me this feeling.
Baby, that’s how I feel about you. You’re one in a million, I’d rather die than live without you.
We can’t miss, so if you’ll give me one shot, we can do it girl.

Excuse me sir, may I get you a new cup of drink?

Yesterday, I was serving drinks. Today, I served drinks again. I wasn’t appointed to any specific table(s), and so for today, the dumb managers made me run all over the place doing things for them. If not for the good pay and flexible working hours, I wouldn’t even think about working as a waiter. I promised to work for about two weeks or a month, but today, Celio called me up saying that I’m hired and that I can go for their training next week! They pay 50cents less on weekdays, but working there is a thousand times more relaxing than working as a waiter at Orchard Hotel!

I’ve e-mails saying that my entries aren’t as “enthusiastic” as before nowadays.. Yeah I think so too, it’s probably because I’ve been busy this days, give me some time and I will bring back that enthusiasm :D

Actually it’s also partly because I’ve covered many topics and I don’t know what else to “explain” to people.

Black

Met up with YingZong at Junction8, bought our black pants, headed down to FarEast to buy our leather shoes. Both for work. Along the way we met quite a few GuangYang people, all out after the exams man. Not to mention, teachers as well.

We met up with TangJie and two other guys at 5:40PM, we were late for work, but oh well, better late then never. First day of work, we ended at around 11 and took our pay, left for home.

Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the whole week, as usual. But tomorrow onwards, Lydia and a friend of hers would be joining in.

Determination

Have you ever found motivation to study really hard, and halfway through, when your exams are just weeks away, you completely lose all the motivation you have, flunk every single test, and indulge yourself in your forms of entertainment? I have.

Primary 1 to Primary 3, I had extremely good results, but never mind that, primary school stuffs are really easy. Except until primary 5 and 6, I practically flunked everything, indulged myself in computer games, arcade games, sports, going out and so on. Even until the night before PSLE officially starts, I did not touch my books at all. Well maybe I did flip through, but I remember clearly, at that time, it was just for show to my parents. The consequences I faced are that, I scored a pathetic aggregate of 179/300.

It never ended all the way until last day, when I saw some of my classmates, schoolmates, and friends outside retain or drop out of school. Their facial expressions struck me hard. At that time,  I was motivated to study, I woke up. But, I went back to sleep, only until recently, I don’t know how, I just found  some motivation, and through books, through living examples, determination in me built up, I don’t know if I’ll even make it through N levels, I won’t say that I woke up early enough, but who knows.

I won’t talk about where to find inspiration and motivation, I’ll talk about where to find determination, where or how, to start building it up. This post is more for those who are stuck, but people who can’t even find inspiration and motivation, hope you find it here, infact, all 3 are linked more or less, because when you are inspired, you are motivated, when you are motivated, determination is the last thing you need to succeed.

Take a baby for example. When babies are born, they don’t have any negative thoughts, all they think about is want, want more, want a lot more. They want milk, they want food, they want warmth, they want everything that seems nice to them, they want more. They don’t think anything about not wanting anything. They don’t fear losing anything. There is no other thought in their mind that is deterring them from getting what they want. They don’t know how to walk on 2 legs, but once they see it, they get inspired, motivated, and TOTALLY determined to walk on 2 legs, they don’t know pain, they don’t know what’s falling down, they are not scared of them both, they don’t know what’s failure, they don’t know what’s depression, they don’t know what’s being pissed off, they don’t know that being laughed at isn’t a good thing, they have no thoughts stopping them from attempting to stand up and walk on 2 legs. They then keep on trying and trying, and finally, one fine day, they make it.

You see, what breaks down our determination is our mood, our feeling, our thoughts. When we think about the many things to do before succeeding, we feel tired even before starting. It’s all in our mind. Whatever’s stopping us, is inside us. But don’t forget, whatever’s able to start us up, is inside us as well. Why think about the long way and many things to do before succeed, when you can think of how much money, how much glory, how much your x-factor is going to increase, how much respect you will get, when you succeed? Why think about someone who turns into a millionaire overnight by striking lottery, when you can think about how long more does he have before finish spending the money and earning twice or more his million with just a little bit of thinking with your powerful experienced brain? Don’t think about the process, think about the results.