I guess you’ve probably done some thinking through, right?

I believe many people are contradicting themselves right now.

Some say that they wanna keep in touch as often even after school reopens but now is now too engrossed with their new friends.

Some say they wouldn’t let relationships affect their life anymore but now is now in love with friends of the opposite sex made recently.

Some resolute to study hard this year but is right now taking back all their words the because the teacher says lesson begins on the second day of school.

Some say they will do their homework immediately after dinner but end up watching television.

Some say they will save a percentage of their money earned during the holidays but has spent them on expensive school bags, shoes, and so on.

Some say they don’t give a damn about the failed relationship, when deep down inside, they give the world’s damn.

I’m writing my chinese journal now, the title is, “What have I gained and lost during the school holidays.”
Besides knowledge, besides experience, I really don’t know what have I gained, and what have I lost. I’ve earned money, I’ve lost money, I’ve made friends, I’ve lost friends. So many things has happened. I don’t really know how to start writing.

我想我是太过依赖
在挂电话的刚才
坚持学单纯的小孩
静静看守这份爱
知道不能太依赖
怕你会把我宠坏
你的香味一直徘徊
我舍不得离开

Some people are very easily affected by just words alone. — People like me.

I’ve been tired since I woke up today, or rather, yesterday.
My mood right now is rather shitty. I don’t know.
I don’t know what’s going on.
I don’t know what’s happening.
I don’t know why.
I know this is normal.
I don’t know why is this normal.
I know the cause. — The thoughts running through my mind right now.
At times like that, I’d usually hit the gym, dive into the pool, or simply blast music with my headset on.
It’s 3:32AM, both the gym and the pool are closed, and my songs are contributing to the thoughts in my mind right now, that I refuse to get rid of. I wanna continue thinking the thoughts that are in my mind now, that are making me feel screwed up.
I’m holding onto “what if.”
If it wasn’t there, now I’d be a 100% confused man.
Maybe I’m too sensitive, but oh well.

My dog looks like a lamb now.

Black and white keys.

Go to YouTube, and search for David Sides. I was listening to Jay Chou’s Feng, a song I never get tired of, because of its wonderful music and lyrics. I thought of looking at some piano playing videos on YouTube and I found David Sides’ then I kept on repeating his videos. His skills on the piano gives me the goosebumps. His simply impressive. Compared to me… I can only play Lee Hom- Kiss Goodbye’s, Lin Jun Jie-Cao Cao’s and Jay Chou-Feng’s starting? WITH THE CHORD. Hahaha. But I’m proud that I did it all based on hearing, and NO NOTES AT ALL! I’m making myself feel better by saying that I can’t play the rest of the songs because once the other instruments come in, I can’t hear the piano in the background clearly. Eheheheh.

Someone was telling me how his girlfriend broke up with him for another guy she has known for less than 1 month.
They knew each other since young, they studied in the same kindergarten and primary school, has been going out often since they went into different secondary schools. They were together for very long, although only “officially together” for a year.
And recently, they broke up.
He told me everything in detail, but I won’t say everything in detail.

Here’s how:
They went for job interviews together. And as they had to be interviewed one by one, while the guy was being interviewed, another guy chatted up his girlfriend and got her number.
He let her know that he lives in a semi-detached house down at Thomson Road, he let her know that he has his own Mercedez SLK and is working just to accompany his friends, he let her know that he is studying business to take over HIS DAD’s BIG business.
And the very impressed girl got attracted to that guy’s wealth, looks, and err, false intelligence.
They started going out, and now the girl has broke up with her boyfriend, for that guy.

Friendship since young, relationship since a year ago. All gone within a month. Wow, it’s possible.
He asked me to explain it. Er.

I remember saying, immature girls have no fixed way of falling in love. There is no fixed thing that, attracts them?
Now I know what. There are a few. In fact it applies to immature guys as well.

1. Looks
2. Build/Body
3. Wealth(This doesn’t really apply to guys)
4. Brains(For guys, I think most won’t mind girls more stupid than them)

As for feeling? As long as the partner possesses any of the above, or one or more, there will definitely be a good feeling ;D So for the best feeling, the partner should possess all of them.
Step right out of your house now, and look at all the couples now, the adult ones, or at least, those of age 20 and above. What’s are their partners like? You are seeing more and more girls choosing smart guys, and guys choosing good looking girls that are able to communicate with them. Not all are like that, but more will be, because they learn from the old people’s mistakes.
In 10 years time, you will see parents using “finding a good partner” as the main reason to make their kids study, and not “finding a good job.” Trust me.
I think as we grow, our mind is more capable of selecting choices, due to experiences we’ve gone through. When we are young, we select our partner based on looks, wealth, body, OR brain, maybe some select partners based on 2 aspects and above, but hardly. As we get older, we can judge more aspects of a person just by looking at him/her. We select partners based on overall results of all 4 aspects(looks, body, wealth, brains). Each weighs 25%, the perfect partner would consist of 25% looks, 25% body, 25% wealth, 25% brains. Also, as we grow older, “feeling” is another aspect to consider, but how do you know if you feel good? Same. If one possesses all 4 aspects, the feeling would be good. Otherwise, it’s just based on trust, comfort, and security.

Some smart people are stupid, and vice versa.

The title of this entry is… out of anger, envy, jealousy, pity, hatred. I MIGHT elaborate on it in the later part of this post.

Basically on the 15th, was prom night, we went there, we ate, we had fun, we played pool. The dinner ended around 9:45PM, and we hanged around Yio Chu Kang till 11+ or so. Me, Charles, ShaoLoong, Dixon, Fabian, and Kevin headed down to The Concourse and played pool till 2 or 3AM, took some pictures.

We did not plan to go home, so we sat at MacDonalds and fell asleep till morning, around 7AM, headed home, bathed and changed, came back out to meet Dixon again for work. We worked from 11:50AM to 11PM, although we were paid for 30Mins more because we didn’t get to eat. Me, Dixon and Fabian had supper, then headed home.

I woke at 2PM, looked at my Celio’s working roster, and it says “Work, 12PM to 6PM,” but I looked at my phone and wondered why my manager didn’t call me… So I waited till 4, and he called me, he asked me to go down and work till the shop closes. Okay so I went down, worked, had supper with my brother, and now I’m here, 2:21AM.

 http://nihilizm.imeem.com/music/LLvQSahO/sens_wish/

I can’t upload songs on WordPress, don’t know why. Ain’t a good thing. Wonder where can I find really good journal hosts…

Anyway, that music is S.E.N.S’s Wish. I am into music, and that is one slow piece, it might sound boring, but I love it. Whenever I listen to it, I reflect a lot, and I mean, a lot. It’s a rather sad piece though.

Some smart people are stupid, and vice versa. What can I say… I just know of many people who are really very smart, but are also stupid. Like, when there is two free sofa to choose from, one is an antique, which can be sold for a million dollars, and the other is a new one, worth $100,000. A very stupid smart girl chooses the new one.

This is why I say, some smart people are stupid, and vice versa. I said vice versa because stupid people can be smart too, they just choose not to. I’m not feeling very happy now, neither am I feeling very upset… Okay actually I’m kinda upset, but I know I shouldn’t be. Ah F*** it, my emotions are screwed, I feel screwed. Since my feelings are screwed, it isn’t really something I should feel good about, so I’m unhappy.

4 posts, in 2 days.

This is what I think about myself, or rather, what I have to say about myself:

1. Emotionally, I am VERY, VERY, sensitive. You hardly get to see my breakdown because I control my emotions well. Even if I do breakdown, I’d hardly let anyone see.
2. I control my emotions well, I control my anger well.
3. I get pissed off very easily as well, but then again, I can keep everything in well.
4. I am capable of keeping things to myself so much so that I think I am overdoing it, I really need to see a counsellor/psychologist because their title reduces my reluctance to spill everything out.
5. There are some people I know that I can share my problems with.
6. There are some people that I WANT to know my problems, but I can’t seem to let them know.
7. I am easily distracted by my thoughts.
8. I can think so hard it takes someone shouting right into my ears to get my attention.
9. I am very sentimental. And I mean, very. Never mind, make that extremely.
10. I can endure “longer than I can” when I am determined(Usually when something of mine is at stake).
11. I fall in love easily. I am VERY vulnerable to limerence.
12. I love laughing.
13. For now,  I think I’m feeling very down.
14. I like to create, I like to design, I like to make.
15. I like to argue, I like to debate, I like to explain.
16. I like to analyze problems.
17. There are many stuffs I tell people to do, that I myself don’t know how to, YET.
18. I can’t bear to let go off my memories with close friends.
19. I like music.
20. I like to hear of people’s problems. I like to share people’s problems. I like to solve people’s problem for them. I like people to confide in me. I wanna be everybody’s confidant.

It’s 3AM. I’m not feeling very happy. I’m feeling very… This isn’t a good feeling for all I care.